Being Kick-Ass with 2 Guns in the Elysium (An August 2013 Film Preview)

Elysium-2013-Movie-WallpaperBy Eriq Rivera

Now that all the big movies have been released and school is slowly getting back in session we can finally forget about movies, right?

WRONG!

And big names like Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon is some of the reasons why!

Aug. 2

The highly likely unlikely duo of “Marky” Mark Wahlberg and Denzel Washington are set for action in 2 Guns. The crime-action movie centers around a DEA agent and an undercover Naval Intelligence officer who have been set up by the mob. How will Mr. W and Mr. W get out of this one?!

Aug. 7

Percy Jackson is back in Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters. Logan Lerman returns as Poseidon’s son to help restore his sanctuary as they try to find the legend of Golden Fleece.

Aug. 9

Elysium will have the talented acting services of one Matt Damon and one Jodie Foster. The movie is set in the future world of 2154 and it’s about a man who tries to bring equality into their version of rich and poor. Here’s a keyword that will get 90% of you even more interested in the movie, it has to do with… : outer-space.

Goldilocks Jennifer Aniston will star a stripper, Jason Sudeikis stars as a pot dealer. Doesn’t sound like a typical feel-good family movie does it? Well, it’s half not. We’re the Millers is about a pot dealer who creates a fake family for some business reasons along the U.S. into Mexico.

There was Disney’s Cars and now there’s Disney’s Planes. If you’re thinking that this flick is going to be like Cars but in the air, then you’re most likely right. Another difference is that this one has voices of Val Kilmer, Dane Cook, Brad Garrett and more… …Yikes.

Aug. 16

Who doesn’t love watching kids Kick-Ass 2? Not much to say about this one as it is expected to be mostly about the first one is about. Kids kicking ass and sh*t.

Here’s one for you historians! The Butler stars Forest Whitaker as he plays Cecil Gaines, a true life story about a The White House’s head butler from 1952-1986. Gaines some stuff in The White House that no other man has seen. Liev Schreiber plays Lyndon B. Johnson, John Cusack plays Richard Nixon, Robin Williams plays Dwight Eisenhower, Alan Rickman as Ronal Reagan and tons of other great surprises! That’s a bingo!

Two great veterans Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford will team up to help out Liam Hemsworth and Amber Heard for Paranoia. The premise of the movie has something to do from having great power and big responsibilities. (I love you Spider-Man)

Jobs is a movie about Jobs…Steve Jobs. The biopic of Apple mastermind will star Ashton Kutcher as Mr. Jobs himself. You might want to watch this movie if you’re trying to convince your parents to let you drop out of school.

Aug. 23

Earlier in the year, a movie called This Is The End came out, which was abou the world ending. Now we have The World’s End which is also about the world ending. Sigh. It’s also comedy. Sighs again. It stars Simon Pegg…as it’s the only big name in the movie. The cool thing about it is I guess the fact that it is directed by Scott Pilgrim’s Edgar Wright. Cool. Sighs one last time.

Alright you martial arts enthusiasts, you wanted some martial arts?! You’ll get martial arts with The Grandmaster! It is the story of legendary IP Man, the dude who trained the also legendary badass Bruce Lee.

Alright you novels-turned-into-movie-series’ enthusiasts, this one is for you guys. The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is based on the novel written by Cassandra Clare about a girl who fights a demon to get her mommy back.

Alright you people who don’t care much for martial arts or novels-turned-into-movies-series’, You’re Next. If you didn’t catch that, then “You’re Next” is actually name of the movie. The film is a horror thriller about a group of murderers who finally meet their match.

Aug. 28

Former Hulk Eric Bana and Rebecca Hall star in Closed Circuit. A movie about two lawyers who used to bang and love each other and sh*t who have to join forces as a defense team for an international terrorists case.

Aug. 30

One Direction: This Is Us is coming on this date and I don’t want to say much about this sad excuse for a mainstream “film.”

Ever wanted to just Getaway? Well, Ethan Hawke has and especially in his new flick “Getaway.” He plays a guy who has to follow directions from a dude he doesn’t know and save his wife.

***** The content and opinions shared on this article are only opinions of the writer and not the entire X-Static Radio staff *****

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